It’s 3:00 am. I couldn’t sleep, and then I slept for two hours, and now I’m wide awake again. This is just what has become normal for me over the past couple of months. For weeks I haven’t slept more than five hours in a night. Except for last night, having a cold and after a long day’s traveling, I was finally able to sleep a full nine. Which I’m paying for tonight, it seems.
Sleep irregularity is one of the hallmark symptoms of bipolar disorder. Insomnia, hypersomnia. In the past few years I’ve had more and more extreme troubles with sleep. And I hate it. Hate it.
Sleeping too much, too little, odd hours. Feeling tired all the time. Wanting sleep, craving it, worrying about it. Being the only one awake at 4 in the morning day after day. I hate it.
If I could just sleep 8 hours every night, I think that, more than anything else, would signal that I’m alright.